All Alone

Dad's gone..
Bernard's confined..
Ruth..is having some problems with her family..

I..
am alone at home tonite..
How I hate the feeling..

I hate coming home to a dark and empty house..
The loneliness can grab me and eat me alive..

People look at me and see something else..
Everyone thinks I'm someone who's so sure of myself..
So busy so independent so capable..
Like "Huh?! U mean Rox can get lonely mehhh? Sure ornottt"

Something is wrong with these tears..
I cry but they don't fall..
They stay in my eyes and blur my vision..
I type through the stars I'm seeing..
(And because I've been doing so much work these few weeks, I find my hands know the keyboard damn well.)

Just like my tears won't fall..
My strength won't let me let go..
Like my arms are aching from holding on..
I know I have to hold on..
But my arms are aching to let go..

I wonder if I let go, would I fall?
Would I lose control of my life?
Would I fail where others fail?
And fall where others fall?

I wish I had someone older who knows what he/she were doing..
So he/she could tell me what to do with myself..
Or maybe NO ONE knows what he/she is doing..
AND no one has the right to tell another person what to do..

I miss my mom...

Yeah I know..
I am not making sense..
I'm feeling too much hurt..
Too much until all my senses are blurred behind this veil of tears..


- 10 August 2005 2:30am -